Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
where are my eyebrows?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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