i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
