let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
