my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
