smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Green mimosas i think yes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
