if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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