I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
