why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize