I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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