Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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