Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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