You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
