Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
