Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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