The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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