i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
