I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
