Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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