My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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