Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
