I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
