PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
