just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
