then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
