I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
COCAINE IS GR8
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
