woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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