she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
