is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
