trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
