I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
