Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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