with your own penis?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
