Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just invented taco cereal.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
