This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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