It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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