I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
