You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
