i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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