Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
