Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
