if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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