The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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