I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
