I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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