The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
