I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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