I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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