Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
