My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's like heaven, but drunker
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
