You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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