My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
