Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm bleeding and have questions
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