Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
