Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
