I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
