Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
