What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
