That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
