She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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