just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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