I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
