I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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