What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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