...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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