So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize