its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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