My brain says no but my pants say off.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
