so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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