Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
