I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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