Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
