sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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