in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
