you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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