The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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