Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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