I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
