Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
