He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
