Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell her she can't have a vagina
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
