if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize