They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
