i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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