Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
