she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
