a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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