Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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