There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
