It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
