she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
