I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
