Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
