Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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