Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
