Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
