How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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