we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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