Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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