Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
