I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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