why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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