Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
