she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How's work?
Spinning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
