the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
