I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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