I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
