Yo dont text me then not text me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
