it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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